I would like to personally express my gratitude to you, your staff, your wife-in-absentia, [Melania] your daughter-wife, [Ivanka] your Cabinet of (please pick all that apply) :
- Unqualified stooges
bootlickers for managing to screw up the one thing that I never imagined would go down in such decisive flames at the hands of the Republican Party–without so much as a peep from the Democrats. I’d also like to thank the 3 million, invisible people who:
- a) were completely cloaked from our latest, state-of-the-art video capabilities at your inauguration, and
- b) were invisible to all 50 Secretaries of State [Republican and Democrat] in the country who you implied allowed 3 million illegal voters to vote for Hillary…which coincidentally is the margin by which you lost the popular vote.
But Mr. Trump, I feel I have an obligation to inform you of that which will be hardest for you to believe….that you are quickly gaining the reputation as being a thin-skinned patsy. And not just any patsy, but one who is the successor to the “dullest hoe in the shed” title previously owned by George W. Bush. You have been duped and you are now the tool of choice of the Washington establishment.
You spent your entire campaign getting free air time from the profit-driven media whores and mocking your rivals and the Washington establishment as a whole. You droned on and on about how Americans had turned into losers, with our bad trade deals and open borders and the Obamacare “disaster” because of the Washington establishment.
You said at the end of your dreary RNC acceptance speech that, “Only you alone could fix America” and “stop the carnage”.
And you were going to ride in on your magical, flying Clydesdale, with a cold, working-man’s Budweiser, a bucket of KFC extra crispy, and “fix the entire emotional and economic malaise that had befallen our once great winner of a country” that had turned to such crap under your predecessor. You know, the one you have been saying since 2011 was actually born in Kenya because you had evidence from nutjob Sheriff Joe [Arpaio] and his crack “Cold Case Posse” investigative team who had shown you the evidence… which you were going to make public “at the appropriate time”. (Side note: ummm, we’re still waiting on that, along with Melania’s legal immigration papers.)
You even fashioned yourself as a modern day reincarnation of Emperor Maximus Ronaldo Reaganus. But even though Reagan was also old and used makeup on his hair to make himself look younger, like you, he had one key quality that you don’t have: He knew what he didn’t know. And he had at least been the Governor of California, the sixth largest economy in the world, just ahead of France! All you have are failed, bankrupt businesses you started, pillaged, then filed bankruptcy leaving investors to pay your bills.
Admittedly, neither of you nor Ronny Raygun ever knew shit about macroeconomics, and both of you fashioned yourselves as macro-managers who didn’t need to get buried in the details of things like laws, policies, rules, selling arms to Iran contras, etc. But President Reagan was at least smart enough not to get indebted to the Russian communists and was confident enough to accept that he needed experts to lean on who were familiar with how to get things done in Washington.
You’re just thundering around on your own, growling at the cameras and spewing nasty conspiracy theories, making fun of people with disabilities or baseless paranoid claims of being wiretapped (by your microwave oven, (as claimed by your shameless mouthpiece, SmellyAnn Conway), instead of offering a sunny smile, bipartisanship, optimism and professionalism that Big Ron knew he needed to display as President.
You promised to get the best people around you in the White House, the best of the best. “We are gonna win so much we’ll get tired of winning!!!”, you said.
Instead, what we’ve gotten is a motley crew of Aryan nationalists, billionaires, and clueless elites, who have created a feuding, leaking, belligerent, conspiratorial, sycophantic atmosphere in your White House. For instance, Reagan had a smooth, classy operator like James Baker. You have an existentialist, anarchist, wife beater in Steve Bannon.….but I guess that’s why you’ve put Ivanka in the office next to yours and given her high-level security clearance; to handle that unwieldly bunch. After all, she HAS sold shoes and handbags…who better to help with national security issues? You know, I bet if Hillary had won, Chelsea would be in that office right now too.
You knew the Republicans were full of crap and that they had no aptitude for anything but obstructing the flow of government business by threatening disastrous governmental debt defaults every time they didn’t get their way.
You knew that Paul Ryan’s overhyped reputation as a policy wonk was bullshit.
You knew that Republicans have been running on repealing and replacing Obamacare for seven years and they never even bothered to come up with any alternative, much less a valid one.
And neither did you, despite all your promises to replace Obamacare with “something terrific” because you wanted “everyone to be covered at a fraction of the cost”. I’m sorry, snake oil just isn’t nasty enough to describe what you sell.
Instead, you did your damnedest to sell a big ole nothing burger of TrumpCare that was nothing but a cruel huge tax cut for the rich disguised as a health care bill. You were so concerned with the “win” that you “forgot” your “forgotten” Americans; the older, poorer people in rural areas who voted for you in record numbers and who would be hurt the most by the bill. Go ahead, blame the Democrats, but the fact is that bill didn’t need a single Democrat’s vote to pass. You couldn’t even sell that turd to your own turd eaters.
“They tried to sweeten the deal at the end by offering a more expensive bill with fewer health benefits, but alas, it wasn’t enough!” former Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau slyly tweeted.
By “sweeten the deal”, Bill Maher aptly described it on Friday night’s edition of his HBO show Real Time, “The Trump approach to health care was never going to be repeal and replace.” “It was always bait and switch”.
“The last version, the one they turned down for not throwing EVERYTHING out the window, had cut coverage for hospitalization, doctor visits, maternity care, mental health, lab tests, prescriptions, and emergency room visits,” Maher added. “Their version of health care was: If you like your doctor, go fuck yourself.”
You can call The Washington Post’s Robert Costa — ignoring that you’ve labeled the Post and Costa “fake media” — and act like you’re in control. You can say that people should have waited for “Phase 2” and “Phase 3” — whatever those non-existent plans would have been — and add that Obamacare is going to explode and that the Democrats are going to get the blame. But it doesn’t work that way. You and the Republicans own it now. You couldn’t even get your cow pie plan through the House of Representatives where the Republicans hold a 40-seat [vote] advantage.
You’re all about flashy marketing so you didn’t care that the bill was junk. Hell, you’re used to selling crap, failing, and stealing all the cash before they crash (i.e., Trump Steaks, Airlines, Vodka, Casinos, Mortgage, Monopoly game, Magazine, etc., all emblazoned with your name in big block letters….just to name a few).
You sold yourself as the businessman who could shake things up and make Washington work again. Instead, you got worked over by the Republican leadership and the business community, who set you up to do their bidding and you got humiliated right out of the chute.
Why do you think the GOP elites were putting up with all your ties to Russia, claims of wiretapping, unending indisputable lies, and isolationist rattling of our allies?
They were depending on you being a delusional rube who wouldn’t be bothered to even read the bill because you’re too busy hiding behind your keyboard at 3:00 in the morning, tweeting like a teenager, taking every weekend to play golf at your own property [despite criticizing Obama the few times he played] and getting your information from wackadoodles on Fox News.
You got skunked Donald. Face it, the Congressional Republicans really want the man so conservative that even his home state of Indiana hated him by the time he left; Mike (Michelle Bachmann) Pence.
Maybe you figured Congress would be as easy to discard as Chris Christie Kreme and Rudy (a noun, a verb and 9/11 mayor) Ghoulishani.
The one thing I truly fear Donald, is that you will try to manipulate each and every situation that doesn’t fit in your little bubble world. I truly fear that you are so bereft of empathy and morals that you would have no problem staging a fake terrorist attack just so that you could declare martial law and dictate how this country will run instead of having to go through all that damn Congressional or Constitutional foolishness.
And why would I think you’re capable of such cruelty?
That’s why. And it’s just one of many….